| |
| |
|
infoaboutrelationships.com
|
|
|
|
How To (Wo)man Your Boundaries
The first time I ever heard "boundaries" mentioned, it was by my then husband. He informed me that I had to protect and hold his boundaries. (There was nothing that man wouldn't dump at my door!) It took me a long while to learn: a)what boundaries were b)that he was responsible for his own boundaries c)that I had boundaries too For women who've been through an abusive relationship, it can be hard to understand about boundaries; and harder still to establish them. Their lives are like great open stretches of country that pretty well anyone can ride roughshod over. (When the steppes are that open, it's not that surprising that a Ghenghis Khan-like figure will gallop across them on a mangy steed, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake.) These women may be able to be utterly uncompromising on little things. A couple I've worked with were adamant that hell could freeze over before an obscenity would ever pass their lips. Yet they'd let people take advantage of them endlessly with barely a murmur. Because they had no effective boundaries. So what are boundaries? High walls and fortified defences are not boundaries, both because they leave the person inside them in a constant state of siege and because they can always be breached. For me, boundaries are a series of gates into different areas of your life that you decide to open or close at will. Whether you choose to open them, or not, depends on whether you judge the person standing at them to be trustworthy. Every area of your life where you feel even remotely vulnerable is a boundary. You have a perfect right, even a duty to yourself, to choose whether or not to let someone through any one of your gates. You don't even have to be consistent. What's right for you today, might be wrong tomorrow. That's fine too. What's right with one person may be totally wrong with another. At this point you need to ask yourself where you truly stand in your own universe. If you stand somewhere on the periphery (or deep in space), you can't possibly police all the gates into your universe. Marauders can invade from every direction before you can possibly mobilise yourself to close the gates. When you stand at the centre of your universe then you have more or less 360 degree vision. You can keep a watchful eye on all the gates. When you put yourself at the centre of your universe, you occupy the best position from which to (wo)man your boundaries. And the curious thing is this: if a boundary is (wo)manned, most people won't even try to breach it. I coach women into developing strong boundaries. (C) 2005 Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie helps women to create strong boundaries, so they can learn to build healthy, nurturing relationships where they can give and receive the love they want, safely. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Men With Facial Scars Are More Attractive To Women Seeking Short ... - Science Daily (press release)
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Cheating Spouse: 7 Legitimate Motives for Spying Should you spy on your cheating husband or wife? You believe you see signs of a cheating spouse. The need to know whether your spouse is cheating and EXACTLY what kind of cheating is taking place is often strong. The Friend Who Taught Me Knowing her day can be dreadfully tiresome when she mounts her soapbox, there's much to like and enjoy about her life so far.When she describes the understandings of her existence and its climactic moments, I compare with other ordinary people as they go through their day, terrified of what may come their way. Ulterior Motive Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 7, 2004Life was not this complicated a year ago--said laughing while banging head on keyboard. I can make this short, but there is so much and I want to be fair. Real Solutions For Combatting Extreme Shyness Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to time in certain situations. In fact, only about 7% of the population claims that they never feel shy. Affairs: Advice for the One Who Strayed To the spouse who had the affair, it's time for what I call a multilevel apology.Anyone can say "I'm sorry," and it's important those words are spoken. Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to make it up as we go along. But relationships need much more conscious planning in order to be successful. Great Relationship Advice: Declaration or Demonstration Q: Could you help us settle a growing conflict in our marriage? I always tell my wife I love her and would do anything in the world for her. That doesn't seem to do it for her. Authentic Relationships - 5-Question Exercise to Explore How You Show Up In Relationship The focus of this article is to explore what it means to be authentic in the context of being single in the dating world and/or in the context of coaching singles. Take this five-question exercise to explore your relationship to authenticity. Men and Relationships Ever since the women's movement began, women have empowered themselves through self-help books, classes, therapy, and TV shows such as Oprah, the Lifetime Network and much more. Women have been stepping up to the plate, taking responsibility for their lives, their jobs and their relationships. The 7 Stages of a Romantic Relationship There are seven stages in a romantic relationship: avoidance, meeting, dating, breaking up, establishing exclusivity, commitment, and keeping the love you find. Each of these stages vary in length and intensity. Proper Flower Etiquette Flowers are great gifts for practically any occasion, but there are some basic rules of flower etiquette. With the popularity of ordering flower delivery online, some buyers may not get the sound advice they'd get from a local florist. Diamond Alternatives - There Are Some Great Options There is little doubt that diamonds are one of the most elegant of the precious stones, and that diamond jewelry is simply a joy to wear. Unfortunately, though many of us are unable to afford the diamond jewelry we would so dearly love, as the great beauty and value of the stone are translated into the price that you have to pay to own one. 8 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship Couples in love may often find themselves having to live apart for a period of time throughout their relationship due to job commitment, studies, military obligation and etc. This has made us wonder whether a relationship can survive the physical distance. Victorias Secret Disclosed! SHHHHHH, don't tell anybody, but, I know the secret.It all started with a simple shopping spree. Fear of a Broken Heart Dear Candace,I am in the process of getting divorced and have met a very wonderful man who touches my soul. I am scared of a relationship because of a fear of not being perfect, and my main fear is that of a broken heart. Ending a Relationship Gracefully Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you must end a relationship most people find it challenging as they have feelings towards their partner and do not wish to hurt them. Relationship Advice: Why Brad and Jen Broke Up and What We Can Learn from Them It's been a few months since the riveting headlines: The Dream Couple, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up. The fall out from this celebrity break up is still plastered all over the magazine headlines. Quick Tips for Writing Love Letters * Be in a good mood when writing a love letter. Never try to write a love letter when you're in a bad mood, not only will it be more difficult to write but your bad vibes will make their way into the letter. Relationship Tips 101 In this article I'd like to share what the research shows as being very helpful for keeping relationships strong and connected. Since 1973 Dr. 3 Principals That Will Keep a Long Lasting Relationship Many of us have had a broken heart and hurt feeling because the relationship that we had didn't work out. It's ok, we are not made to be a perfect human being but we can learn from our experience and move on toward our future.
|
|
Home | Site Map| Link Partners Powered By: Free Google Adsense Websites! |
| © 2006 |
