| |
| |
|
infoaboutrelationships.com
|
|
|
|
Single in a Couples World
Advertising for St. Valentine's Day seemed more relentless than ever this year. Everywhere I turned, I saw candy hearts or jewelry glistening in store displays. Radio announcers drummed the message home through constant promotions of dinner for two. There was no one "special" in my life. I had been working hard on my home-based business, running two personal development programs and then writing well into the night, week after week, to expand my website content. I wanted - and felt I deserved -a little appreciation. So for the first time I did the unthinkable. At a flower shop, I ordered an exquisite arrangement of orchids and lilies for myself. I also purchased a box of chocolates to share with friends. The flowers still brighten my kitchen table and lift my spirits. The media tries to convince us that being part of a couple is the ideal. If that were true, why do half of all marriages, particularly in the West, end in divorce? Why do so many relationships stagnate and prevent us from being ourselves, from growing? Many people stay together because they fear growing old alone. I admit that I have been there, too - unhappy in my marriage but afraid to leave. Paradoxically that was the loneliest period of my life. There was a serious lack of communication; below the "respectable" surface of couplehood, I lived in quiet misery. >From images of successful couples in the media to dinner parties, society is always pushing us to "pair up." However, many of us experience protracted periods in our lives where we do not have a partner, times when we need to heal and/or discover and develop ourselves. Singlehood should be seen as a viable option. I have been single for over 15 years. If no friends are available, I go to a movie or a restaurant alone without feeling "strange." I see others, too, coming on their own. For years now, I book a flight south and take a solo vacation, packing a few books along with my swimsuit and shorts. I am convinced that people find it easier to approach me as a single; I have never lacked for company either on the beach or while traveling. Though I never elected to "be" single, I have grown in ways that would not have been possible had I remained in a relationship. This lifestyle has allowed me to develop the self-confidence to take on new challenges and lead a truly fulfilling life. Here are some distinct advantages to being single: · Stronger friendships Living with another person can make you lazy about reaching out to others. Also, couples tend to socialize with other couples. As a single, you can develop satisfying friendships with people of all ages, social classes and backgrounds. Among my friends are a 77-year-old poet, a 28-year-old abstract painter, a single mother and a married creative director. · Time to invest in yourself As a single, you have more time to take courses, develop interests and hobbies or train for a new career. You can also heal past wounds and work on personal growth. Being single is a unique opportunity to explore who you are and what is important to you. Also, when there is no partner to lean on, you become more resourceful and proactive. The boost in self-confidence in one area of your life will extend to other areas as well . Your choices - your life To me, the greatest advantage of being single can be summed up in one word - freedom! You choose your own friends and see them as often as you like. On the home front, if you decide to paint your walls purple or buy a striped velvet couch, no one else will object. You are at liberty to come and go as you like, to eat when you're truly hungry, or to play music in the dark. To build a rewarding life as a single, you need to feel complete on your own. It is also important to take responsibility for your life - pursue supportive and stimulating friendships and develop your interests. Too many people live in a holding pattern, unmotivated to take proper care of themselves or their surroundings because they haven't met a suitable partner. This is such a waste of time and opportunity! One way to better appreciate your singlehood is to list the benefits you derive from this lifestyle. This is easier to do when you have been in an unfulfilling relationship and have seen the down side. Maybe your partner was a night owl, but you prefer getting up at the crack of dawn. Remember all the compromises you had to make - and be thankful for the choices you now have. A number of singles are joining forces against the "tyranny of coupledom." One such organization can be found at http://www.quirkyalone.net. Quirkyalones describe themselves as independent thinkers who want to live full lives rather than accept unsatisfying relationships. They believe in love, they just don't want to settle! I, too, refuse to settle. I know what I want in a potential partner and trust that he will appreciate all that I have become. Finding happiness as a single does not prevent me from leaving a corner of my heart open just for him. About The Author Thelma Mariano, life coach and author, is dedicated to bringing clarity and direction to people's lives. See her on-line coaching programs, articles and column at http://www.u-unlimited.ca.
MORE RESOURCES:
Men With Facial Scars Are More Attractive To Women Seeking Short ... - Science Daily (press release)
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Put-Downs: The Whole Story What put-downs really areLet me begin by saying what they are not. Put-downs are not "harmless jokes. Taking the True Relationship Test If you have ever read teen magazines you will be familiar with the myriad tests they offer their readers. You can find out everything from which type of jelly bean you are to which celebrity is your soul mate. Relationship Advice: How to Ignore Your Spouse or Partner Marriage can be one of the quickest and most effective paths to taking someone special for granted.We don't mean to do it. Relationship Advice: 4 Ways to Handle an Unsolvable Relationship Problem 1) Leave the relationshipThis is the most common alternative chosen, and the reason for our high divorce rate. Our culture teaches that this is an easy choice to make, with little or no consequences. 7 Things You Must Know About Women Most men find women mysterious and confusing. You find us difficult to figure out. Your Next Argument: 10 Thngs to Consider Before You Get There 1. It's addictive. Being Romantic for a Change Honestly, I do not know anyone who is romantic nowadays other than me and a few people I have met online. Is romance fading from our lives? And why is it always looked at as a silly trivial thing? Are not dreamy romantic people considered losers by some?For me, romance is simply life. Lists, Lists, and More Lists Every person that thinks something is amiss in their relationship wants to know, what are the signs that my partner is cheating on me. Well guess what! These signs can leave you with more doubts than anything else. Relationship Advice - 5 Sure Fire Ways to Mess Things Up 1) Stay committed to your "right to be right."Argue for your point of view, making sure you never entertain the possibility that your partner may have a valid point of view. Got a Girlfriend? Heres How Not to Screw It Up Having a girlfriend can be a dangerous thing. We become too dependent on our woman for our happiness, and then if we get dumped, we find that we've all of a sudden lost our confidence. Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You? How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining our integrity and bending our values?Most relationships require us to bend to a certain extent, but how much can we bend without a sense of loss of self?There is an inherent paradox in these questions: A truly loving relationship is a relationship where each person accepts and even values the differences between them. If you have to excessively bend your values to preserve the relationship, what are you preserving? You are not preserving a loving relationship since love does not demand that you excessively bend your values. You Dont Have to Break Down, When You Break Up! Very few people would argue with the fact that creating successful relationships is often one of the biggest challenges we face as human beings. The strange thing is that life can become even more challenging when they end. The Grammar of Good Communication No, this is not a rehash of primary-school grammar; nor is it adiscourse on the finer points of rhetoric!There are some practical points which can make a powerfuldifference in the efficacy of your communication -- whether onthe job, with your spouse or when you are among friends.What is "good communication?" Much of what passes forconversation is a play with two performers, each impatientlywaiting for the other to finish so they can declaim the linesthey've been preparing as the other is talking. Top 10 Ideas to Revive a Fizzling Relationship Love is exciting, and when a relationship is new, almost everything you do together is fresh and alive, and keeps you enthralled. Then time begins to pass, and while the love is still there, the relationship may have lost some of its sparkle, whether it's because you now have a family or not. The Three Levels of Soul Mates From my own personal experience of being involved in certain relationships, I have come to realize there are three different levels of Soul Mates. We discussed Soul Mates in a previous article of mine, 'Soul Mates - Do they really exists" now we should keep our eyes open and pay closer attention to our relationships, in order that we might recognize those soul mates. The First Ninety Days A friend of mine recently commented on the amazing number of romance novels written and the huge amount of money being made in that industry. He then shared his observation that these romance novels don't usually tell their stories beyond the first ninety days or so. Ending a Relationship Gracefully Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you must end a relationship most people find it challenging as they have feelings towards their partner and do not wish to hurt them. My Fairy Tale Is Gone Dear Candace,My girlfriend and I recently split up. I called her a few days ago and she said that it was over and that she did not want to discuss it with me anymore, that I had gotten on her nerves to the point where she didn't see any point in communicating with me, ever. Communication Is The Key To A Lasting Relationship "If you are trying to find ways to lead a more fulfilled life, at some point the spotlight of your attention will fall on your various relationships - with family, lovers, friends and colleagues," stated Take Control of Your Life, one of the series in Time-Life Books.Relationship can bring great pleasure and satisfaction where they work and unhappiness when they don't. Q & A: Reuniting With a Lost Love >1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?The most successful rekindled romances were lost lovers who had been 17 or younger at the time of the initial romance -- first loves -- and had separated for situational reasons, like "parents disapproved," "moved away.
|
|
Home | Site Map| Link Partners Powered By: Free Google Adsense Websites! |
| © 2006 |
